Climbing to the Top is Lonely… Especially When You Fall
On chasing alignment, losing your soul, and running alone in a crowd.
Hi friends. Welcome back!
As we close out Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been thinking about how lonely it can feel when you’re growing.
Not the Instagram version of growth—the curated, aesthetic kind where everything seems to fall into place. I’m talking about the kind of growth that cracks you open. The kind where your vision gets clearer but your circle gets smaller. The kind where you find yourself climbing toward everything you said you wanted… only to realize you’re gasping for air at the top.
I’ve felt it a lot lately.
The loneliness of trying to stay soul-aligned in a world that rewards disconnection.
The pressure to always appear “on,” even when your nervous system is begging for rest.
The ache of chasing a dream so big, it pulls you away from everything that once felt familiar—even yourself.
There’s this narrative we’re sold that success is supposed to feel like celebration. But sometimes? Success feels like isolation. Like running alone in a crowd—people cheering, music blasting, energy high—but your legs are shaking, your breath is shallow, and your thoughts are louder than the noise around you.
That’s what this month has felt like for me.
I’m training for this Nike race, building momentum in my creative career again, launching this newsletter, reconnecting with my voice. On paper, it’s exciting. But behind the scenes? It’s heavy.
Because when you’re someone who feels everything deeply—every decision, every pivot, every energetic shift—progress doesn’t always feel like a win. Sometimes it feels like loss.
Loss of the version of you that used to feel safe.
Loss of people who don’t recognize you anymore.
Loss of rhythms, routines, and roles you’ve outgrown.
And still—you climb.
Because something inside you knows.
Knows you didn’t come this far to abandon yourself now.
Knows the discomfort is a signal, not a sign to stop.
Alignment isn’t just about ease—it’s about integrity.
And sometimes that integrity requires solitude. Surrender. Stillness.
Sometimes you have to fall—publicly, awkwardly, painfully—before you realize what you were climbing wasn’t aligned in the first place.
I’ve learned this the hard way:
When I was chasing a version of success that looked good on the outside but made me sick on the inside.
When I built something powerful that I was too burnt out to enjoy.
When I pushed my body past its limit to prove I was “strong enough”—only to end up injured and unrecognizable to myself.
And I’ve also learned this:
You can fall without failing.
You can lose your footing without losing your worth.
You can start over again—and this time, do it differently.
So that’s what I’m doing.
I’m letting go of the need to be seen climbing.
I’m focusing on what it means to arrive in alignment, not just achievement.
I’m learning to run at my own pace—even when I’m surrounded by people sprinting in the wrong direction.
If you’re there too—feeling like you’re climbing something invisible, or falling without a safety net—I see you.
You’re not alone.
Even if it feels that way right now.
We’re all just trying to get to the top without losing ourselves on the way up.
Until next time,
C
MONTHLY UPDATES TO SHARE
🎙️ Currently Working On:
If you’ve been here a while, you might remember my podcast Fearless Narratives. I released three seasons filled with stories from women boldly carving their own paths. But after Season 3, I hit pause—because I was burnt out.
For a while, I wasn’t sure there would be a Season 4.
But—it’s coming back.
And like everything else in my life right now, it’s getting a rebrand.
The new name? You’ve guessed it! Introducing: The CRTLYN Edit.
Still the same heart—fearless stories from changemakers, creatives, and athletes. But now, with new energy and more alignment with this chapter of my journey.
Stay tuned!
🍊 What’s Fueling Me:
DateFix — Fresh fruit fuel, no fuss.
This isn’t an ad or affiliate link—just something I genuinely like. DateFix sent me some samples last year while I was training for the marathon, and I’ve been a fan ever since. I’ve got a sensitive stomach, so traditional running gels don’t always sit right. But I still need quick, reliable carbs to get me through these upcoming 13.1 miles.
DateFix keeps it simple: just two ingredients—California Medjool dates and orange blossom water. Clean, effective, and easy on the stomach.
"DateFix is your quick fix for fresh fruit nutrition and the comfort of good food."
If you’re curious, here’s the link: www.datefix.com
🚴 Recovery Workouts I’m Loving:
Cycling for Cross-Training + Long Walks
This month, I’ve been incorporating more cycling into my recovery days—and I’m loving it. SoulCycle has been offering free Community Classes to introduce their new instructors (fresh off their teacher training programs), and I’ve had the chance to try a few at different NYC locations. Pro tip: you can’t book these on the website, so check the SoulCycle app for availability.
I’ve also been using the Peloton Bike for Bike Bootcamp classes. They’re perfect for squeezing in both strength and cardio when I’m short on time—efficient and challenging.
And finally, I’ve been walking 4 to 7 miles after runs or on recovery days to keep my body moving and support joint health. Especially with arthritis in the mix, staying active (even at a low intensity) helps me reduce stiffness and inflammation.
Got any recovery workout recs?
I’m always looking for new ways to move and recover—so if you’ve got any favorites, send them my way. I’d love to try something new.
“If you have a body, you are an athlete”
- Bill Bowerman
HOW’S TRAINING GOING?
So many of you have asked how training is going post-injury. I’ve been rebuilding from the ground up—and I’ll be sharing the full story of what finally clicked (and what didn’t) in the next edition.
Also… the Nike After Dark Tour Half Marathon is next Saturday! I can’t wait to tell you all about it.
Stay tuned. 👀
Thank You, Magna 🧃✨
My new favorite magnesium + electrolyte drink —and now, one of my official partners!
Did you know over 75% of us are magnesium deficient?
Athletes and doctors swear by it for a reason—there are 15+ types of magnesium, each offering different benefits.
Magna features a powerhouse trio:
Magnesium L-Threonate
Magnesium Malate
Magnesium Glycinate
Together, they support muscle recovery, stress regulation, and cellular hydration. Most electrolyte drinks contain just 60mg of magnesium—Magna delivers 211mg. Huge difference.
Ready to Feel the Difference?
💻 Use my code COURTLYN for 15% off at DrinkMagna.com.
👯♀️ Or head to: Community.DrinkMagna.com/COURTLYN
Your hydration game = officially upgraded.
Until Next Time 💫
Thank you so much for reading. If this resonated with you, feel free to hit that subscribe button, tap the heart, or even share it with a friend who might need it. I’ll be back next month with more updates, insights, and all the behind-the-scenes as I continue this journey of becoming.
Let’s stay connected in the meantime:
🌐 Website — courtlynjones.com
📲 Instagram — @courtlynjones